Alright, Mr. Deville. I am ready for my close-up.

Dear Old Me,

I did something I have never done before this morning. Well a couple of things, really. First, I got my butt out of bed at 5am to leave my house and workout. I have to admit that I actually liked it. A lot. I already have a workout in for the day and it feels awesome to be ahead of the game. I still plan on going to my Wednesday class with Jamee. I don’t think I would miss it for the world. I think I might make these Monday and Wednesday 6am classes part of my regular routine. I am stepping my game up so that I can be totally ready for Zumba certification in September. So, an hour in the morning and an hour plus at night. I am so committed and motivated to reach this goal.  I need as much practice as I can get.

The other thing I did today that was a first is I WAS ON TV! Check out this clip…

http://www.abc4.com/content/about_4/bios/story/Zumba-with-Dale/TuOPqoW9eEqW_nJ4KIecGg.cspx 

The class I went to this morning was being taped by the local news for a story on “The Utah Zumba Man” Dale Parker. I have been to a couple of his classes and really enjoy his choreographies and style. He asked me to come out to support him for this taping. Dale said to me one time that Zumba took him from the very lowest point in his life to the very highest and happiest places (now) and he wants to share Zumba with everyone. I couldn’t agree more. I so relate to how he feels. I credit a lot of my happiness right now to Zumba and my Zumba family. I am really glad I went this morning. It was fun to share the Zumba Love and truthfully, I wanted to see myself in motion. I know it probably sounds vain, but I watched the video over and over again just to watch myself. Do you see me? Or should I say do you see you? You may not recognize yourself. Pink and orange shirt, white bandana... I am only in the clip for a few seconds, but I am there moving, dancing, sweating and being a part of something bigger than me. I feel fantastic about the way I look in the clip. I almost can't believe it is me.

 I am not sure I will ever get used to the fact that I  am normal sized. Maybe with time it will become familiar to me, but right now it is the most foreign thing. After all, Old Me, I am still the old me. I carried the equivalent of a full grown adult with me for over 14 years. It might take me just as long to get used to being normal. Hopefully not, but it might. In the meantime, I will consciously make an effort to not shy away from attention. I will hold my head up and walk tall. I will do things that stretch me outside my comfort level without fear of being humiliated or looking gross to other people. I didn’t get fat, or lose all this weight over night and it will take me a while to get used to it. However, I am walking, talking and dancing proof that anyone can go from the biggest of big to just like everyone else. Believe it.

Love,

The New You

Turns out it isn't crap...

Dear Old Me,

You know how you think that people are full of crap when they say things like "Exercising gives me a natural high" or "I have more energy because I work out"? Well, I am telling you first hand that it isn't crap. In fact it is the most incredible feeling.

I know that you have tried many times to begin a solid workout routine in hopes of feeling this "high" or getting more energy. Every time you try it seems like you cannot attain what people keep telling you they get when they work out and so you quit. You figure that it is pointless to even try. Is something wrong with you? No. Simply put. I know you will not want to hear this, but the problem is that you aren't working hard enough. You are fooling yourself if you think that you are going to feel some kind of change when your version of working out is barely walking faster than a slow stroll. You'll never get there if you keep doing what you have been. It is painful and sucks to work out. But I promise that when you find the right type of exercise you will be able to find the "high" and the energy that those “crazy” people are talking about.

You need to try different types of exercise programs. Find something you can do that makes you sweat. Really, really sweat. Don't worry what others think of how sweaty you are. If they have a problem with it they can move down to the treadmill at the end of the row. You need to do it and stop making excuses for why you don't sweat when you work out. The truth is you don't work hard enough or long enough. You have to do it for longer than twenty minutes. I know they say that all you need to do is twenty minutes a day to lose weight, but that should be a minimum. You shouldn't settle for bare minimum. Ever. But in the beginning do as much as you can, but try as hard as you can to push past that twenty minute mark. Strive to be soaked with sweat when you are done. Soon you will find that thirty minutes have passed. Then before you know it an hour has gone by. And believe it or not there will come a time when you want to work out. An hour a day will not be enough to satisfy your craving. It will happen, you just have to start really pushing yourself.

As I drove home from my Zumba class this morning I began to cry. I wasn't crying because the work out was hard. Or that I was actually sad. Tears came to my eyes because I know that I am physically able to push myself. When it is too hard instead of quitting I grit my teeth and push through the work out to the end. There have many times, hundreds and hundreds of times when I have wanted to work out and tried only to be frustrated and quit. I have found the strength and determination to get through to the end. I really love the feeling that I get when I am done. I feel like I am floating on air. It's that natural high that I never though I would get. I am happier than I have ever been and it is simply because I found a way to push past the discomfort and go a little harder and faster. The next step I need to get to is to stay solid and strong through my entire workout, but for now I am beyond happy that I can count myself as one of "those" people who say they get a natural high from working out. Turns out they weren't full of crap.

I promise you will find this feeling as well. You have to push yourself to get it. Nothing worth having is ever easy. I know you don't believe that you will ever be an "exercise junkie". I know you wish you were. Start believing that you can. It will happen.

Love,

The New You