Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Can't you hear me? Do you have fat in your ears?

Dear Old Me,
I certainly don’t want this to sound vain or that I am full of myself, but so many people have been commenting on how good I look lately! There certainly has been a huge influx of “OMG! You look so good!” and “What are you doing? You look fab!” type comments coming my way. Don’t get me wrong. I love it (keep ‘em coming people, I NEED them). I admit that I have always tried to have confidence in myself even when I was at my very biggest. I am grateful that for whatever reason, whether it is my personality, my resiliency or my total lack of social awareness that I have always tried to keep my head up.

But seriously, Old Me, you need to realize now that you are doing a disservice to yourself and absolutely no one else by staying the way you are. The fact of the matter is that you are fully capable of making a change even though you believe that you can’t. Poke your head out of the hole you are in and just make it happen. At first you will be the only one who will know how serious you are. Unfortunately, it will be rough-going. People will not notice and may not even really believe that you are doing something. They will not comment on your weight loss. You will have to keep on telling them that you are in fact losing weight. But you will have to absolutely do more than just talk about it. You will have to actually do something about it. Make it obvious that you are making an effort. Make a big deal about going to the gym or your plans to exercise and then actually do it. Talk about your food choices and what your intentions are. Let people know how you are doing. Ask for help and don’t be afraid to cry and whine about the process. But make sure to also tell them how good you feel that you have taken even small steps. Sooner or later the world will catch on that you’re serious about making a change. Put it out in the universe and don’t be embarrassed. People know you are fat. It is not a secret. It is okay to verbalize how you feel and not just hold it in and wish people would know how bad you want it. I know you don’t ever want people to think you are a failure so the more people you tell about your plan of attack the more you will be accountable and not want to fail. Just make sure you actually do something about it and not just say you are! I know that as soon as you do start telling even the random stranger what your plans are you will keep on losing weight. It will come off. Just keep talking! And don't forget to listen!!!
It feels fantastic to have people notice my progress and feel like they have to tell me. I am curious though if it is a chicken and the egg type of deal. What happened first? I got to a point in my weight loss that I started looking physically better  and people started commenting or did people start commenting and it made me feel better therefore look better simply because I am standing taller, walking stronger, smiling more? It may also be possible that up until I started working again a month ago that no one saw me for months and the bulk of the last 70 pounds came off while I was unemployed and never left my house except to go to Zumba. The people who did see me are the ones that always see me so their perception of the changes have been more constant and not so drastic. Who knows? All I know is that I love it! I know people are going to get used to seeing me this way and the compliments will die down so I really am trying to relish every one. I wish I could bottle every one of them and keep them with me forever. I am trying to really show my deep appreciation to my friends and family who do comment and compliment me. It means so much to me that I have so many people who love me and support me. I know you always have. It is just too bad that when a person is fat and unattractive that they don’t hear the support and love. For me, back when I was always just “talking” about losing weight it would have helped so much if I would have heard the type of outpouring of admiration that I have right now. So it will be my mission in life to tell everyone and anyone that I know who is doing something about their health that even the paltry 2 pounds they have lost so far is phenomenal. It is the first step. If I had not lost that first 2 pounds than I would never be where I am right now. No one will notice those first pounds. No one is going to tell you that you look fantastic because you lost a pound or worked out a couple minutes more than you could before. One by one, two by two is how the weight comes off and each ounce is a feat worth celebrating, even if you have to tell people that it needs to be celebrated! I know I probably received the same amount of love and support back then and didn’t hear it because of all the fat in my ears. So I will make sure to yell it at the top of my lungs so that the recipient of my intended encouragement can hear. Until next time…

The Old Me

P.S. Thank you so, so, so much to everyone that has loved and encouraged me before I lost weight, during the process and even now. It not only builds my confidence, but humbles me more than you will know. I promise I will never get vain or cocky. I know that this weight loss is a gift and I will never take it for granted.

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful letter! Keep on keeping on..not for the "world" but for you..YOU deserve this!