Dear Old Me Circa 2000,
It’s all about timing. Be patient. I wish that I could do something to make it happen for you sooner, but it will not happen until you are ready. Your efforts or honestly lack thereof will be wasted. I am sorry that it is so frustrating. I don’t even know the words to use to make you understand. However I can tell you that as you go through the motions of life in a body that feels like a prison that there is a glimmer of hope. When the time is right, when all the planets align, pigs fly, the impossible dream will happen. I am not even sure where the driving force behind your will power will come from, but it will happen. If only I could hop in my Delorean, punch in the date of this picture, October 28, 2000 and tell you that it WILL happen.
I see the pain and desperation in your eyes. It breaks my heart just looking at this picture. Tipping the scales at almost 260 pounds there is no way to make you believe it right now. You are smiling through the pain, but I know how desperate you feel. You're uncomfortable and nothing anyone could say will make you feel better. I know it will not make the wait any easier, but I promise that when you are ready it will be better and easier than you could have ever hoped or dreamed. The one piece of advice I can give you is stop beating yourself up. Stop hating yourself. It does no good whatsoever and truthfully you take things way too serious. I wonder if that is the key. I stopped taking the process so seriously. I just let it be a relaxed change, I let it be just the way it is and the weight started to fall off. So that’s my advice for now. Stop being so damn serious. Have some fun, pursue your happiness and your happiness will find you faster than you ever imagined. Enjoy your loved ones and especially your wonderful boys. They need their Mama to be happy and it cannot depend on you losing weight. Take joy where you can, in the kisses and giggles and hugs and baby love. It will carry you through and keep you going and allow your true beauty to shine through.
I adore this picture because you can see the joy and love he brings you. It's in there and makes you feel lighter than air. You actually weigh more in this picture than the one from 5 years before, but the difference is you are finding your joy (or your joy found you). Be patient and let your heart be light. When the time is right your journey will begin. Who knows, it might just happen sooner than later if you just get happy.
The New You