Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Don't believe the lies...

Dear Old Me,

You have been lied to, dooped, tricked, mislead, deceived. You must stop believing the lies. That voice inside your head is an expert liar. It tells you all the time that you aren't good enough. Smart enough. Talented enough. You can't lose weight. It is way to difficult for you so you shouldn't even try. It tells you that eating those cookies will in fact make you feel better. It convinces you that you are okay being fat and unhealthy, that it doesn't matter. It tells you that you can't push past trials and hardships to come out on the other side so you might as well just give up. It tells you that nothing will ever be better. You agree with the liar and so that lie is your reality. It forces you to be stuck in this desperate, lonely place full of fear and darkness.

You must break free of the lies. When you hear those thoughts going through your head, squash them. Don't agree with them. This is the one area in your life it is okay, actually it is a requirement to have a wall against it. Build the wall strong and high so that the liar can't get over it. Start believing that you are good enough, smart enough, talented enough. You can lose ALL of the weight. There is nothing too difficult. In fact nothing is impossible, so you should try, try and then try again. If you eat those cookies you will actually feel much worse. Being healthy is one of the most important things you could ever do for you and everyone you love. If you persevere through even the hardest times you will come out the other side so much more strong than you could ever imagine. Things will be better. There is a place for you. A place full of laughter, friends, love and light and it is yours, but only if you stop believing the lies.

Basking in the sunshine of this beautiful life,

The New You

Monday, May 30, 2011

Dialing it in...

Dear Old Me,

I promise to post more tomorrow. I am really just dialing it in right now. Doing my game on duty for the day.

Love,

The New You

Sunday, May 29, 2011

A toast (not a piece of toast, but a love letter to my friends)...

Dear Old Me,

Friends find the sweetest sense of happiness comes from simply being together.   
  
Love,

The New You

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Eyelashes, people!!!

Dear Old Me,

Tell your friends you do eyelash extensions now. Only $50 for a limited time. Tell them they need to call you... now before the end of May. Your number is 801-759-5499... Mama needs to pay the rent.

Love,

The New You

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Thank you...

Dear Old Me,

Many times a day I marvel at the fact that I am where I am. I am at my goal weight (when I first started my goal weight was 175... I just wanted to be "normal"). I had no idea that I would pass that goal and every day I see the makings of a strong, athletic, healthy body that I can live in for life. You have really put my body through a lot of hell and it is amazing that the life you want is unfolding in front of you and your body is obeying. At the end of each class as I cool down and stretch, I close my eyes. I feel the muscles getting stronger and leaner every day and it bring tears to my eyes almost every time. I usually can't help. It is a miracle that I am so grateful for.  I let a single tear fall as I quietly thank my body for forgiving me.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

May showers...

Dear Old Me,

I had a chance to go to an old favorite ZUMBA class tonight. Tuesdays are usually pretty hectic so I can't typically make it. I used to go to Shae's classes all the time. She is a wonderful instructor. Her class was one of the first ones that I ever attended. I remember when I was so baffled by Cumbia and the whole lazy/sleepy leg thing that EVERYONE struggles with. She took the time to go over it with me in detail until it clicked. She took that extra few seconds to show me how my body should move to that particular rhythm. That connection and the realization that my body can and will move that way is super important to me and tonight I felt it again. I felt it on my way to class tonight. I could feel it in the brisk air and the bright green of all of the trees finally showing their true colors. Things were clicking then and they are clicking now. I feel like this is my time to make it happen and I can't miss this opportunity.

I know Shae will understand what I mean when I say that I love the way she moves and the fact that she is a girl with a  little (emphasis on little) junk in the trunk that she isn't afraid to shake. If it isn't shaking (uncontrollably, IMO) than you aren't doing it right! And her ways of describing the moves crack me up. They stay with me even now and I know other beginners like I was will relate and I can share them with the humor and empathy needed. OMG, I forget how much I adore her!

The rec center studio where the classes are held has big wall to floor windows. You typically can't see in or out of them because they get so steamed up due to all the booty shakin'. I love it! But this evening it was beautiful. The sun was hitting the horizon just the way it does so perfectly here in Utah. After days and days of rain it was finally bright and sunny. The golden rays reflected of the snowy peaks and when I looked out the window all I saw was the beauty of LIFE. Green, flowers, golden sunlight and me dancing like no one is watching...

As I stretched at the end of the class I was overcome with the feelings that completely engulfed my world two years ago. I started really focusing on my weight loss and getting healthy in May of 2009. I felt the same way then as I do now. Each day is a new opportunity. Each moment. Each step. Each time I breathe I have a chance to start over, to have my own "spring". I revel in these moments because they are the moments that keep me moving forward. Here's to spring and to new beginnings (as often as you need them).

April showers (and May ones apparently) bring... maybe JUNE flowers,

The New You

P.S. Check out Shae's schedule (this is no joke... and on top of all bazillion of these classes the chick also runs marathons. Real ones. Like 26.2 miles of running... straight. However, I digress. Here is her schedule:

Monday: 6am Running Club at LiveFIt7 Daybreak, 8am Aqua Zumba Daybreak, 930am Yoga DayBreak Academy, 4:30 Murray Zumba, Tuesdays: 9:00am Pum...p at Live Fit7 Daybreak, 11am Zumba Gold at South Jordan Rec, 12pm Zumbatomic South Jordan Rec, Teen Training 4:30pm at LiveFit7 Daybreak, 5:30pm Pilates T-ville Golds Gym, 7:00pm So Jo Rec Zumba, Wed: 8am Aqua Zumba at Daybreak, 9am Fitness Pilates Live Fit7 DayBreak, 1030am Zumbatomic Daybreak Art Academy, 530pm Zumbatoning, and 630pm Zumba at So Jo Rec, Thurs: 6am Running Club at LiveFit7 Daybreak, 930am Yoga at DayBreak Art Academy, and4:45pm Pilates and 5:15pm Zumba Select Health Friday: Aspire Pilates at 6am Zumbatoning, 8am Aqua Zumba at Daybreak, 10am Zumbatoning Live Fit7at Daybreak, and Fridays South Jordan Rec 12pm and Saturdays South Jordan Rec 9 am Zumba.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Dance like no one is watching...

Dear Old Me,

You know that saying "...dance like no one is watching..."? Well they really aren't watching. I have been thinking a lot about my ZUMBA journey. Trying to pinpoint when and how things happened to get me where I am today.

There is certainly one thing I know that changed my view point on exercise and cardio workouts. When I went to my very first class with Karine I was mortified. I had all the same fears that most people have about trying Zumba for the first time. I can't dance. I have no rhythm. I am too fat. I can't move like all those others that can dance... blah, blah, blah. I went to the class, sucked it up, blinked one time I think and suddenly the class was over. I was standing there drenched in sweat (a first for a self-proclaimed non-sweater I might add). And I was smiling!

During the entire class I never took my eyes off Karine. I did not even once look or notice any of the other students in the class. And I know for a fact not a single one of them took their eyes off of Karine either and never even saw a single step I took or any mistakes or slow movements of the others in class. We were all there together just shaking it along with the beat, feeling the music and losing ourselves for an hour. When it was over all I knew was that I had just experienced the best most exciting and exhilarating workout ever. I didn't know this was an option. I can work out and have fun? I was hooked. It was over for me right then and there. Love at first sight or should I say step. I never wanted to miss a class or make excuses not to go. :-) Every step since then has gotten easier and easier. I know I still have a lot to learn but I am so excited to keep on moving.

Until Next Time,

The New You

P.S. Check out Karine's summer schedule at http://www.zumbawithkarine.blogspot.com/. She is amazing and her Zumbatomic classes are going to be so much fun. I plan on taking Ryan for sure!!! Check out http://www.zumbatomic.com/ for info on the classes. :-)

Friday, May 20, 2011

It is technically tomorrow...

Dear Old Me,

I made a commitment to my Team Chica Sexy that I would post every day on this blog. I posted earlier but it is past midnight so this is going to be my post for tomorrow because I have a very strong feeling that tomorrow will be a day that I say FUCK it. Sorry if I offend. But right now I don't even care. I feel like all I do is for nothing. I feel like no one will ever understand how hard this "trip" has been for me. These are my feelings and they are unique to me and I am admittedly fighting back tears right now that are all mine, but I still wish that someone, anyone really understood how hard these last couple of years have been for me. I have done the hardest thing I could ever imagine doing and I feel like the lightning has flashed. It is blinding and cannot be ignored but I fear that my thunder is being stolen right before my eyes.

Hopefully these feelings will pass, but I am not sure if they will. I am only human and I am going to show it ALL here. This is MY place and I am just like you. I feel hurt. I feel the obvious victory of success. I feel the more private pain of failure. I feel the insecurities of the fat-so that we all struggle with and the confidence of the skinny-mini we all want to be. I feel that the world doesn't understand me and that I am never going to measure up. I try to do my best and realize that I am the only one who knows MY best is me.

However in my weakest moments, like right now, I cry. Ironically, I cry here alone for the years of total lonliness. I cry. Tears fall from my eyes because... maybe because I am selfish but I give every bit of me away. I can't think of anyone but me right now however I only worry about others. I want to just be happy. But I can't and it makes me cry. My only wish is that moments like these will someday be a thing of the past.

Hope springs eternal,

The New You

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Consistency... is key.

Dear Old Me,

One thing that I know you are more than aware of is that consistency is not your strong suit. Well, I guess I should say it wasn't your strong suit. But things have changed. They have changed in one aspect of your life at least. Because clearly in others (for example, writing in this blog) you have some room to grow.

The one area that I have proven to be consistent is with my exercise. I know for a fact it is because I love it so much. I have uncovered a passion for dance and music that I knew was there, but never thought I could ever do. How could a 320 lb white girl with no rhythm and absolutely no dance experience (not even a single dance lesson as a kid) ever be a dancer. But it is happening... it is happening and it has helped me lose over 150 lbs!

There is no way in a million years that I would have ever stayed so consistent if I was doing a typical exercise routine like the treadmill or other types of aerobic classes even. There is something special and different about Zumba and dance in general. I don't want to take away from the glory of Zumba, but the core of Zumba is dance. Dance will set you free. It is what makes Zumba different and what is incredible is that anyone can do it. The creators of Zumba are inspired in the way they have created a program that allows anyone (yes, ANYONE) the opportunity to dance, the opportunity to feel free and unencumbered even if it is just for that one hour a few times a week. It happens by keeping "exercise" out of the equation or a side note at most. You know you are working harder than you probably ever have at a work out, but it doesn't feel like it. When you are done you are laughing, talking, SMILING! How is that possible? Dance. It truly is amazing and a miracle in my life.

It has given this former fat girl the opportunity for a richer, fuller, happier life full of love, friendship and passion. It has given me the opportunity to know that I can in fact be consistent. I can be consistent with one of the hardest aspects of my life, exercise. I am grateful for the gift that Zumba and dance have given me. I am now the healthiest I have ever been. I have the endurance and stamina equal to any other "fitness buff". I could with  training feel confident to do pretty much any workout from running to rock climbing. This has happened only because I have been consistent. I could love Zumba till the cows come home, but if I did not consistently go and put in the time than I would still be, well you. The unhappy, overweight, lonely, uninspired version of me. So in the end finding a workout you love is important but consistency is key.

I am going to make a serious effort to translate the consistency I find with exercise into other aspects of my life. Namely these letters. I commit to staying consistent and writing every day. Even if it is the most boring drivel and makes no sense to anyone. It will be here.

So, until next time...

The New You
(...now skinnier than you were in high school, YAY!)