Tuesday, March 29, 2011

O.o

Dear Old Me,

I know I could probably knock you over with a feather after I tell you this... but seriously today you stopped dating a guy because you wanted to exercise more than you wanted to see him. There will come a time when you will love yourself enough to say that you are THE most important thing and anything that distracts you from your happiness is not worth it.

See, told you that you would be shocked.

Until next time,

The New You

Monday, March 28, 2011

I am in it for life.


Dear Old Me,

It feels so amazing to not be afraid to move my body. To push it a little further than I thought I could and have it respond by becoming stronger feels like nothing I have ever experienced. I feel fantastic and I am worried that I am going to hit some kind of wall. I am worried that this “high” that I am on is going to go away and I will suddenly be back to the old me with no energy or lust for life. I am going to ignore these fears and worries as if they are not there. Today I am going to consciously deny that this new way of being will ever go away. It will always be this way. I will always have a drive and passion to use this body of mine. I will continue to share my story with anyone and everyone who will listen. It keeps it real and it keeps me inspired. This is who I am and this is who I will always be, except I will most certainly be better, but I will never lose this because I choose to keep it in my life. Each day I am stronger, healthier and happier than I could have ever dreamed. I am in for life. Hook, line, sinker.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Dialing it in...

Dear Old Me,

Some times you gotta do the bare minimum. And this is it.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Thursday, March 24, 2011

It just keeps getting better.


Dear Old Me,

I know I am making progress. I know that not only am I losing weight to make myself the best possible version of myself physically, but I am changing in far more exciting and miraculous ways. I am becoming the best possible me on the inside.  

I knew I would feel better if I lost weight. I just had no idea how good I would actually feel. I feel resilient. Even when something happens that would make the old me wallow in misery I simply bounce back. I move on. I am learning it is okay to speak my mind. In fact it is more than okay. It is the only way it should be. I live in each moment and strive to live that moment to its fullest.

Every day just gets better than the last, and that is no small feat.

Until next time,

The New You

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Zumba, Zumba, Zumba!!!

Dear Old Me,

Sometimes I wonder if how I am feeling about becoming Zumba certified and pursuing fitness and health as a potential career is typical for someone who has experienced a large weight loss. To be clear Zumba is just the first step in something I want to make a full time occupation. I am just so high on life and how good it feels to be active and social. I see that I inspire people and in turn they inspire me. I want that feeling in every interaction I have if possible.

I know to anyone who loses a lot of weight it feels liberating. I have heard a million times that it can change your life. Is this what they were talking about? Does everyone think they can become fitness instructors or is it just me? I truly feel so passionate about it and I want to do BIG things. In fact I have never felt so passionately about something in my life. Every time I think about it I get choked up and tears sting my eyes. I get downright emotional. I didn’t have this passion when I first started losing weight. Once I admitted that I actually wanted to become certified I felt extremely happy and content.

On the way into work this morning it dawned on me that I could really feel like this every day. I could love what I do and spend my days doing something that makes me happy. But am I just wacky off the endorphins and it’s all just my Zumba-high talking? After all this is the first time I have ever really worked out like this and been so consistent. I don’t really know if this euphoric state I find myself in all the time is temporary.  Could it last?  Would people listen to what I have to say? For now I am not going to question it. I am just going to let it happen. Well, to be more exact, I am going to MAKE it happen.

First things first, double Zumba. And did I mention that on May 6th you will officially be a Zumba instructor? Well believe it, because like I said, I am going to MAKE it happen.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

For the record.


Dear Old Me,

It is truly an amazing feeling when you find something that you are passionate about. It seems like it is no coincidence that for the first time in my life everything is just falling into place. It is like the universe has set in motion and all the right things seem to be happening for me. There are goals and aspirations that I have now that I never thought in a million years I would ever want let alone ever be able to accomplish. Every moment that passes I want it more and I will stop at nothing to get there. My determination surprises and delights me.

May 28, 2011 will be a big milestone. It is two years to the date that you went to Weight Watchers weighing in at 321 lbs. I have several goals surrounding that date. For the record, the first part of the goal will be to be Zumba certified by May. The classes are tough to find and that is really the only obstacle to achieving that goal. I am ready now and if it were up to me I would already be there. I would like to be certified before the May 7th big Zumba party, but it is okay if I am not. The second part of the May 28th goal is that I plan to be at my goal weight of 150 lbs. It is a miracle to me that we are talking months for this to happen. It’s not a pipe dream, years away. It’s not “if only”, not “what if”, but it is simply a matter of days.

I am determined to make this happen. I never want to feel hopeless again. I want this for life.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Monday, March 21, 2011

A new love.

Dear Old Me,

I am not quite sure how to describe how I feel. The best way I can describe it is that I feel light as air, but more grounded than I have ever been. I have feeling this way for a minute, but I am really starting to recognize it as something very special. This feeling is what you have been dreaming of. This is what I have been working for so hard. It feels amazing and it will only get better. It has nothing to do with the fact that you are finally “normal-size” or that a guy is paying you attention.

I know you are dying to know about the new guy. I know you think that finding that kind of love is truly what you want and need. You think that kind of love will change your life and make things better. If only someone would just love you, than, than you would be okay! Let me just say the guy is cool. That is cool. It should be fun to hang out and get to know someone new. He is respectful and seems to be honest and could be the type of guy that would be “just right” for you. But that is not why I feel light as air. Granted, it feels great to have someone of the opposite sex appreciate me and want to spend time with me. But truthfully I would feel the same way no matter what. No matter whom I was spending time with.

Everyone always says that you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. It is repeated so often that it is almost cliché. I heard it, I knew it was true, but whatever. I never believed it. I always felt to be loved by anyone, including myself I needed to be a better person, look better, be skinnier, have wittier things to say, have more money, be smarter… blah, blah, blah.

What I am about to tell you is going to change your life. And when you realize it you too will feel lighter than air. They were all right. You have to love yourself. And You are perfect just the way you are. You do not need to make any apologies for who or what you are. Even though you don’t believe it, you are enough to love and when you accept it the love you truly need is going to find you... And this love will make you weightless.

I am realizing that the reason I feel lighter than air is because I am truly, truly falling in love. With me. I am getting to know this awesome person who the more I know about, the more I love. I am in no hurry to find someone else. I would feel like I was cheating on this new relationship. I need to take some time and get to know myself. I need to practice being in love with me. The new guy is nice, but he will never love me the way that I love me (or should I say, the way I am learning to love myself).

So I am going to continue to nurture this relationship. I am going to focus on me. I am going to let others in on this new love and how wonderful it feels. If they want to come along for the ride with me they are more than welcome, but my main priority is me. I am falling in love with life and everyone and everything about it.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Friday, March 18, 2011

You are Wonder Woman

Dear Old Me,

Looks like I am going to make up for the lack of posts with a million letters in one day. I guess I found my words…

I wanted to let you know something real quick. There will come a time when you actually feel comfortable in a skirt/dress. I know, I know. It is hard to believe, because seriously who likes to wear a skirt? You do, every day in fact. And you won’t believe this either, not only do you feel comfortable in a skirt or dress in general, today you are rocking a short skirt and it’s HOT.

Proof:
 
I feel fantastic about how far I have come and truthfully I am excited about how far I have to go. Today I am going to relax. I am going to appreciate and celebrate my success. Every second of it... I will remember who I used to be and how far I have come. I will take today to breathe it all in knowing that I have worked my ass off to get here. I am going to take the day and let my body rest. I have pushed it hard and I know I need to. And tomorrow I will get back to working the rest of my ass off. :-)

Until Next Time (which just might be later today),

The New You

P.S. And seriously, how much do you love Debbie at the front desk for celebrating with you and never once judging? She is a bright little ray of light.She said you look like Wonder Woman when she took this pic. And I agree. You look like a wonder woman because it's true!

The truth was I felt safe.

Dear Old Me,

It may be too soon to tell, but I think this time is special. I met a guy... you met a guy. And I think it might be special. I am not sure how, but I feel electricity. Maybe it is just another chance to learn and grow. A chance to spread my wings and see how far I can fly. But whatever it is it feels good. There is something different. I know I am different, but there is something very different about this.

He asked me if he made me nervous. The truth was I felt safe. For the first time in my life... I felt safe with a man and honestly more amazing than anything I felt safe. Period. I did not feel insecure. I knew I had something to bring to the table. I did not feel afraid because I felt his hand at the small of my back, instead I felt secure like I could fall back and I knew he would catch me. I did not feel like I was settling. I felt like I had met an equal. His smile and kind eyes mirrored mine and I was not afraid to hold his gaze. I did not feel like I was out of my league nor did I feel like he was out of mine. I did not feel like I had to prove a thing or pretend to be anyone but me, just me and he thought I was perfect, adorable even. And he told me he thought so. I was not afraid to speak my mind and when I did he laughed and I knew he understood me. I was just me. And I felt safe. I have never felt safe. I have never felt like I was justified to be right in the moment. But there with him, I felt right. I felt in the moment and I felt safe.

Could this really be happening? Maybe. I am just going to enjoy the moment and I am going to make sure I  thank him for making me feel safe.

Until Next Time,

The New You

It's a new day.


Dear Old Me,

I am sorry it has been a couple days since I last wrote. I have to admit that things have come to a little bit of a head. There are definitely a few things that have happened the last few days that could each have their own novel dedicated to them. The problem is I just do not have the time to even think about them let alone write down a single word. The thoughts are there. The words are not. However, I committed to this blog. I made it a priority and a priority it will be!

The last week as been full of all sorts of lessons; opportunities in humility, triumph, exhaustion, excitement, anticipation, fear, love (maybe), friendship, trust… the list could go on and on. Let’s just say that every single day has been filled. Every second has been occupied. And I am not really complaining. I am actually feeling really, really content. I am feeling like this is how it should be. I find opportunities for growth. I find opportunities for failure. I find opportunities for a fresh start with each moment that passes and I am amazed that I have been given this second chance.

If you would have asked 10 years ago, I would never have dreamed that at 33 years old that I would be given another chance. I feel like my life is really starting. I feel like I am finally free to be who I have always truly wanted to be. And who I always knew I was. Right now, with this opportunity, with this new day I am going to embrace the gift that has been given to me. It’s a whole new day and I can’t wait to see what it brings.

Until Next Time,

The New You

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Too Tired to Think.

Dear Old Me,

I am checking in to say I am alive. That is all I can ask for today. Sorry for the lameness, but I am barely functioning. I had a rough night. I barely slept. I made a commitment to write everyday and I can’t let my fellow gamers down. So it is what it is. I will try to explain when I can actually think.

Until next time,
The New (exhausted) You

Monday, March 14, 2011

Panic!!!


Dear Old Me,

I am having a little bit of a dilemma today. I had intended to go to a 6am class this morning. I had everything packed up and ready so I could shower and stuff at the gym. I went to bed early. Well earlier than normal. I packed the boy’s lunches. My 5:20am alarm went off this morning and I just could not drag myself out of bed. I usually never miss my Monday class. I am learning to put myself first and Zumba makes me happy. I love the feeling of doing something that is good for me. The dilemma is that I have made plans to go to a play with some friends. There is no way for me to do both my Monday class and go to the play. There will not be enough time between when I get off from work and when I need to head down to Orem for me to get a good workout done.

I have been very adamant that I  CANNOT miss a workout. I CANNOT and WILL NOT ever make excuses as to why I can’t work out. There is always a way and I swore to myself that I would do whatever I could to never miss. I feel like I am failed myself this morning by oversleeping. I am upset that I can’t workout today and I missed my one chance. I feel like missing even just this one workout will cause me to backslide and will make it easier for me to make excuses down the road.

Panic!!! I need to figure out a way to get a good sweaty workout in. A walk around the building just doesn’t cut it! It is lunchtime right now, so I am going to at least do that so that I can feel like I did something today.

Until next time,

The New You