Dear Old Me,
I made a commitment to my Team Chica Sexy that I would post every day on this blog. I posted earlier but it is past midnight so this is going to be my post for tomorrow because I have a very strong feeling that tomorrow will be a day that I say FUCK it. Sorry if I offend. But right now I don't even care. I feel like all I do is for nothing. I feel like no one will ever understand how hard this "trip" has been for me. These are my feelings and they are unique to me and I am admittedly fighting back tears right now that are all mine, but I still wish that someone, anyone really understood how hard these last couple of years have been for me. I have done the hardest thing I could ever imagine doing and I feel like the lightning has flashed. It is blinding and cannot be ignored but I fear that my thunder is being stolen right before my eyes.
Hopefully these feelings will pass, but I am not sure if they will. I am only human and I am going to show it ALL here. This is MY place and I am just like you. I feel hurt. I feel the obvious victory of success. I feel the more private pain of failure. I feel the insecurities of the fat-so that we all struggle with and the confidence of the skinny-mini we all want to be. I feel that the world doesn't understand me and that I am never going to measure up. I try to do my best and realize that I am the only one who knows MY best is me.
However in my weakest moments, like right now, I cry. Ironically, I cry here alone for the years of total lonliness. I cry. Tears fall from my eyes because... maybe because I am selfish but I give every bit of me away. I can't think of anyone but me right now however I only worry about others. I want to just be happy. But I can't and it makes me cry. My only wish is that moments like these will someday be a thing of the past.
Hope springs eternal,
The New You
- ▼ May (9)