Dear Old Me,
One of the excuses you like to give yourself as a reason to not get out and get active is that you do not want to leave your kids alone or with a sitter to go workout. You have convinced yourself that an unhappy, overweight, unhealthy version of yourself lying on the couch watching TV is better for your kids simply because you are there. There is nothing farther from the truth.
The last few months have been a real eye opener for me. I believe I have found something that will be the key to my happiness for the rest of forever. It is giving me confidence, bringing friends into my life, providing an outlet for stress-relief; it is teaching me perseverance and dedication and is making a stronger person all around. I never believed that exercise would or could ever provide all of these things for me. I always viewed it as a tedious chore that I never wanted to do. I saw it as something that would take from my life and not something that would contribute to it and truthfully make it fuller than it has ever been.
I see how instead of taking you away from your kids and other responsibilities it is bringing you closer together. You are happier and your children see that in you. Last night I asked Caleb if he minded that I go to workout almost every night. He replied without hesitation that he wants me to go. He likes his new healthy mom. I asked Ryan and he said the same thing. I am so grateful that they understand. I need this. I want this and it will only make me a better person and make me more comfortable with myself. I will no longer be a bad example to my kids. I will show them that being healthy and striving for a better life is important. Because I am comfortable with myself I will be comfortable in sharing experiences with my kids that I would have never dreamed of while heavy. These experiences will turn into memories. Your kids deserve to remember you happy.
These photos were taken in August of 2010 at the Delmar County Fair in San Diego. You know how you always dream about being able to lose weight so that you can do "normal" things with your kids? Well, it happens. These photos mark a very important point in your weight loss journey. This is the first time you really felt "normal". You wanted to have an experience with Caleb and you were not encumbered by your weight.
If you don't recognize yourself you are 4th over from the left. Caleb is next to you. When you went on this trip to San Diego you had lost about 70 lbs. You had finally started to see your weight loss efforts pay off. Granted you still weighed 240 lbs at the time this picture was taken and since then have lost another sixty, but this was the first time you had EVER done anything like this with Caleb. For his entire life he basically has been denied the memories of a happy involved mama. Let this memory be the first of many. Remember what it felt like to walk up to the seat, sit down and pull the safety harness over your shoulders. Remember the joy you felt as it clicked into place and you sat comfortably next to your son. Ready for the rush and thrill of the ride, you had adrenaline pumping through you not because you were about to be spun around and whipped upside down, but because YOU were doing this. YOU!! Big, fat, never gone lose weight, YOU. Well, Big, fat, never gonna lose weight Old Me, YOU are gone for good. Savor every moment that feels new again. It will make all the hard work and sacrifice worth it. The journey will be tough. There will be highs and lows. Ups and downs. It will be a roller coaster, but every bit of it will be worth it when you are able to be a part of your life.
Love,
Then New You
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